I see nothing particularly wrong with your original legal. Moreover, I'm not sure what it is about their example that they want you to take notice of. Hmmm. Could be the area call out. By omitting the words "more or less" after the area recital you make the area controlling. But then you call out several monuments as controlling. Could be a conflict there.
One thing I noticed about legals in Oklahoma is that reference to the particular meridian, Indian or Cimmaron, is often omitted. Which is fine, I suppose. If you know the County there can be only one meridian being referred to.
A comment - you make reference to a PK nail. Which is fine if the object is indeed a PK and not a Mag. I regard the distinction as significant because, among other reasons, it is indicative of the age of the monument. Most PKs are 15 years old or more, no Mag can be much older than that.
You are the licences surveyor. You should not allow an unlicensed title company employrr tell you how to write you land descriptions.
All the information they are asking you to leave out is critical to locating the boundary for as long as it exists. If you can't record a survey it needs to be in the land description.
This reminds me of the old Alaska saying, "happiness is a Texan going home with an Okie under each arm."
Normal description. Have read thousands like that.
It relates to writing a DOT property description as compared to writing normal beginning at some monument that is of record and progrssing to describe everything as close as can be related in words as to what the math is and describing what is along and crossing the boundary and a detailed wording of monument, references and withness and adjoinging owners, lot numbers and all that "jazz".
Frustrating and being 180° from is proper and headed for what the Client tells us to say.
The title company example would not fly in Ohio. Each county has adopted and published minimum description standards that are based on, and usually more restrictive than, Ohio law (Ohio Revised Code) and Ohio rules (Ohio Administrative Code). Ohio Department of Transportation County Conveyance Links page provides an index of county standards. OAC 4733-37 was adopted by the license board as minimum practice standards for Professional Surveyors.
The following is from the Ohio Administrative Code:
(A) When a surveyor is called upon to prepare a new description, either to replace an existing description which is inadequate or to create a new piece of property, said description shall include the following items:
(f) The reported boundary data shall meet the closure requirements of paragraph (C) of rule 4733-37-04 of the Administrative Code.
(C) Descriptions other than metes and bounds descriptions may be a reference to a recorded survey plat or a parcel on a recorded survey plat and shall include sufficient and adequate legal and technical wording so that the property can be definitely located and defined.
(D) A statement shall appear indicating that either: the description was made in accordance with a recent survey and the date thereof, or the description was made based on a previous survey, of a certain date, and date of description, or the description was not based on a survey.